a night to remember...

Its was really an amazing night to remember. We started the session around 6 PM and it was a bit awkward talking to new faces. I only know one person, that was Honey, she is the younger sister of my friend . She was the one who invited these cool, young and amazing looking people in my domain.hehe... We were five. We started chatting and getting to know, asking stuff , you know the usual. I had an eye on Bryan. His cute and all, but what amazes me is that the way he looks at me is differrent. The look of seduction. And so the night is on, there we are, a bit tipsy. The story starts here. While I'm busy getting to know Bryan, I noticed that the other guy , who was busy tlaking with the other girl was now starting to ask me questions and I noticed that he is cute as well, in fact he is much more sexually attractive to me. Oh boy, I really happen to have a very healthy sexual appettite.hehe.. And so , I confronted Bryan if he is into me and he said yes but his not into the sexual thing so I then shifted my interest to this other guy, his name is Grant. His hot, nice body and very attractive in packaging.hehe... and he can sing. And so we were on to our second bottle of tanduay  and I started asking queswtions about his sexual life and that he is still virgin about the same sex. By hearing those words, I was amazed and a plan came in just like that.hehe.. He was drunk and now the plan is perfect. He was really drunk so I offered my room. We finished the second b ottle and I decided that we should stop and have a good night rest since its already raining. They decided to stay in the house and it was fine by me. I got insi9de the room and I just remembered that Grant was there. I said "perfect". I closed the door said goodnight to the other people outside and what happened inside the room was one of the most amazing nights of my life. If only the walls can speak and react. Performer is the word!hahaha..

---rest day---

Am on my second day of RD..just woke up with head spinning round due what happened last night. 8 long necks of Tanduay we did conquer and I aouldnt believe it my self and there were only 5 of us.  It was really amazing when I woke up and saw all those bottles scattred around the living room and I was like "man..I got really drank last night.." I cant vividly can remember if it was really true that I was kissing Bryan, all I can clearly see is that we were flirting and gigling and doing stuff in from of our friends.It was fun but I cant be into him since his a very very complicated person to love. Its fun being with him but thats it. Now another schedule of "tagay" session is up around an hour from now and I'm looking forward to it. haha.. This is gonna be another friday night of my life, hope this is gonna be an interesting one.hehe..Am gonna go ahead and hit the showers now and be prepared to what might happen during the session. Till next time!

project moving on...

24 hours has passed after we broke up yesterday and it feels like nothing. Well it looks like it that my heart was already tired of this whole breaking up thing and it just crashed down like a sytem with no maintenance. And it left me with just a feeling of nothing. The feeling of nothingness can be helpful sometimes specially during these times of heart crisis. Am just here stiing in front of my pc and thinking about nothing. I have to and I need to. I cant think of somnething to do,nothings comes up and nothing comes in, all I wana do is just to sit here and do nothing. Could it be that I'm still affected about the break up and myslef is just denying it? or Could it be that I have turned into a cold blooded person not capable of loving.If theres only a capsule that could turn away the feeling of love, I would really save up for it to stop this cycle. Im saying this now for the reason that I'm hurt, but tomorrow or another day, another person would come into my way and then all I can say is, "Here I go again". This cycle never cease to stop. And I hate it. Why do we fall in love? Why? Why? Why? That is the big question.

a realization...

...2 PM thurday, march 18, 2010.....i officially ended my pseudo - relationship with my so called boyfriend Reymar. I cant bear it anymore, all the heartaches, the aggrevations, the feeling of being unloved and una ppreciated, the feeling of not being heard though you were trying to explain things a way lot easier for them to understand, but still they do it over and over again. Then when you burst into a flaming magma of anger, they let you take all the blame mych worse, they make you feel sorry for what you've done. And for the very main reason that you love him, you will the be the one to say sorry. This is ridiculous and I cant stand it anymore. It pains me a lot to let go of a person that you think of each day, but its for the betterment for both of us. I ended the talk with ...it's not you..its me.. :(

recreation and diversion

these are the same words to me for now...im trying to recreate as well as trying to divert myself from someone i call my special someone which i dont know how he really feels about me...so one best way to divert is to make this blog site interesting adn enjoyable and that it would cater to all markets..hehe..enjoy the site as it evolves each day...

..someday, it'll all turn around..

...it may sound absurd or a bit desperate but i still chose to believe him, "someday, it'll all turn around" , he told me and as stupid as I am, i brought him back to my arms.haha.. stupid me but even just an incling and a tiny winy bit of chance, I'm taking it than spend forever thinking what it could have been. Am I making a sense here out of my stupid decisions? I don't know, I really dont know. But saying yes makes it so right, well I just hope I am, weew. And here I go again with this feeling of having a boyfriend, the paranoia and the package but hey, all the bitter people in the world says its a liability but hell I say its the most rewarding feeling of having someone care for you and thinks of you and vice versa. I really don't know why I still keep hanging on, but well I'm just gonna go with the flow, see where it would take me, at least at the end of this story, I dont have any what if's or what it could've been....

something unpredictable

Am gonna postpone the Pandanon ecapade part 2 to gave way of this very unexplainable feeling today.

The decision I had for today was a bit unpredictable but I know that in the end, this is gonna feel and right for me. Yes, Me and my mheggo broke up. I couldnt believe that I have came up to that decision earlier this day. I'm siiting in the table now, half awake, half sane or shall I say trying to be sane and a bit groggy of what has earlier happened. It was not that easy. As they all say, its not the quantity that counts but the quality. Though we were not that long in each others arms but I have to face the truth that we could never be together, no matter how I'm gonna stretch my rope but it will really end for I know that some good things never last and he is by far the best thing that happened to me. I've done , not only some but a lot of things that I haven't done in my previous relationships. He is the one who thought me how to fight and face the real world. We could have been great together but its too late. The confrontation was not that nice but I was able to handle it with controlled tears.

I'm starting to cry right now so my laptop might be in danger. Until next time of ravaging emotions of this author who is unloved.